This is a fairly strange, surreal post. It is someone hypothesizing what it would be like if his lover/girlfriend/wife turned into a mantou (a particular kind of steamed bun1). I think it is fairly strange, and I am not sure why it resonated with people, but it was shared on Renren2 four-four thousand times when I first saw it on October 25th, and it had been shared fifty-eight thousand times as of mid-day (Spain, time) on Thursday November 17, when I was preparing to post the translation to my own blog. It has also been posted on Baidu Forums, where it seems to have received much less attention, with only 12 responses as of Thursday November 17.
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Post Title: If the person I loved suddenly turned into a steamed bun.
(Such a painful topic...)
Suppose that one day, in the early morning as you awaken, I discover that the person laying next to me is a steamed bun.
Then the first thing I would want to do is to make sure if I would treat that person like a steamed bun, or if I would go on treating her like a person?
Due to my love from the past, I would continue to treat her like an individual who possesses independence, but whom just doesn't express anything like other people.
I would stand her up in an appropriate place; I absolutely can't put her in the kitchen, on the dinner table, or any place like that, lest someone mistakes her for food. At the same time I would want to notify all of my family that aside from her (my steamed bun girl) it would be forbidden to have any steamed buns in my house to prevent any chance of her being confused with other steamed buns. This is a sacrifice that must be made in order to protect her life.
Similarly important is this issue: if you leave a steamed bun out for a day or two it is no problem, but what about leaving it out for a long time? Because of this, I would want to buy her a fridge that had a good freezer compartment. Steamed buns can't be chilled, they can only be deep-frozen, otherwise they turn hard as rocks. So I would just have to freeze her and wait for special celebrations, vacations, and holidays to take her out for a while, warm her up with my hands until she is fresh and just like new. Naturally, from the moment we get it we can't put any other foodstuffs into this refrigerator, because we want to prevent her from polluting other food's flavor.
She loves being clean, so even if she turned into a steamed bun she would definitely want to be clean and sanitary. I would have to give her a little bath each day, use my best towel to slowly wash her, being careful not to damage her skin. Steamed buns are very fragile; the outside is very thin and a little layer of skin is her only barrier. Therefore I definitly want to protect her well. I would have to get rid of bugs and pests daily in my house in order to prevent her from getting bitten by bugs when I am not around.
As for her XiaoNei3 and TuDou4 accounts, I would continue to help her manage them, informing her friends that she went on vacation, and furthermore that she might not be able to come back for a while. I wouldn't let other people know that she had turned into a steamed bun, and every now and then I would post new vacation pictures online. I guess that she definitely wouldn't want her friends to know that she had turned into a steamed bun.
If she turned into a steamed bun, the I would of course be worried that she might get sad, but during times for vacation we would've already saved a lot of money. For example, the money that we could save on hotels: I would only need to rent a single bed in a youth hostel and place her with the utmost care in a soft spot in a little bag next to my pillow. She could still travel all over as she did before, and at scenic spots I could just ask a passerby to take a photo for us.
Perhaps other people would have fear of turning into a madman. Regardless of where one goes, one would have to bring a steamed bun along. Even friends wouldn't want to pose for a photo with us during our travels -- and it might not even be allowed. Online would I make a name for myself at the "steamed bun man?" because of my having lots of vacation pictures with her? Nowadays she is a steamed bun in my pictures; I would hold her in my hand, or hug her close, and show my affection, treat her well even though she had already turned into a steamed bun. Other people would certainly think that I had gone mad from grieving for my wife, but in my heart I would know that the one I most loved was just this steamed bun. I could accept this as a normal thing.
But I wouldn't admit that she had changed from a person I loved into an object I loved. What I love most isn't a steamed bun, it is her. But she has now changed into a steamed bun, then I would just be in love with the steamed bun that she had turned into. And I wouldn't mind bearing the frustration of parents, since I have my own speech and thoughts, regardless of if she is a steamed bun or anything else, I would still be the same as her.
In this way, slowly, I would nurture the habit of caring for the steamed bun everyday, and of no longer eating any steamed buns. I hope that being the steamed bun by my side every day can show the concern and care that we never had before. Smelling the scent of steamed bun, I would give a big kiss. And whenever I felt her against my skin I would open my mouth for a little kiss. This way my broken-heartedness would slowly fade away and I would adapt to loving a steamed bun and a calm and traquil lifestyle.
I hope that I will be able to go out to take pictures with her and put them up all over our wall, although some will be with normal people and some will be with a steamed bun and scenery. This way I will feel calm and relieved, and it will make me feel that she will never go far, to help me to believe that she is always be happy. I want to use photographs to document her from every angle, to use a video camera to make precious memories of our moments together, and to use my computer to write down journal entries every day about caring of my steamed bun.
I will always believe that one day when I awaken I will find my wife sleeping beside me instead of a steamed bun beside me. I wouldn't be suprised in the least, but instead I would quietly pull the blanket up over her, walk quietly on tiptoe to get the camera, then return to bed to take a picture of her. I believe that eventually she will return.
At that time I will be able to tell her,
"All of the depression and the gloominess were fake,
I've only come to love you more."
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1The Chinese term 馒头(man tou) describes a fairly sepcific kind of bread, and although I feel that the term 'steamed bun' does not do it justice, I haven't been able to find a better translation. I would encourage any readers to do a quick image search on Google or Baidu to discover what a 馒头(man tou) is and looks like. For the ease of readers, I will use the term 'steamed bun' throughout this piece. Steamed buns are about as common in China as toast is in the United States, and it is not at all uncommon for people to eat a steamed bun everyday, or for poor college students to supplement their diet with this thick and filling bread, because it is so cheap.
2RenRen.com (人人网) is a popular social networking site in China. It is very similar in layout and appearance to Facebook, although there are some signifigant differences in how it is used by people and the place it has in Chinese society. English-language information cab be easily found by searching the internet for “What is Renren.”
3Xiaonei.com (校内网) was a previous version of Renren.com. The name changed to Renren in August of 2009.
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